


afraid to get close

by camboy_hynjin



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Dirty Dancing, Drinking, M/M, there's a couple racy lines but nothing explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-10-25 18:01:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20728448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camboy_hynjin/pseuds/camboy_hynjin
Summary: Hyunjin is cuddly sober, but buzzed Hyunjin is so much worse, because now his boundaries are lowered. It doesn’t matter if he’s too close, being too affectionate, because he can blame it on the alcohol.Changbin wishes he could do the same.





	afraid to get close

This isn’t the first time Changbin has been at a party like this. As a trainee at JYP, and then a member of Stray Kids, Changbin has gotten an automatic invite to every party Jackson’s hosted since he joined the company. But this is the first one Changbin has been able to go to since he turned 20, so it’s the first one where he’s able to legally partake in the alcohol Jackson keeps his parties stocked with. Changbin is grateful for that, because Hyunjin is also able to drink now, and Changbin isn’t sure he could handle that sober.

If he was just dancing, Changbin would be alright. He could sit in the corner and nurse his beer, pretending his eyes aren’t glued to Hyunjin as he sways like the music is inside his body, the alcohol in his bloodstream making his movements even more fluid than usual. Changbin could ignore that, or pretend that he can, because it’s what he does all the time.

The problem is when Hyunjin bounds over to him, fitting into the space between Changbin and the arm of the couch, his lanky limbs tucked under himself and over Changbin. He’s so close that Changbin can smell the alcohol on his breath, can feel how damp his hair is with sweat when he lays his head on Changbin’s shoulder, and damn it, he somehow smells like wildflowers and chocolate even when he’s sweaty. Hyunjin is cuddly sober, but buzzed Hyunjin is so much worse, because now his boundaries are lowered. It doesn’t matter if he’s too close, being too affectionate, because he can blame it on the alcohol.

Changbin wishes he could do the same. “Hey,” he says, throat tight.

Hyunjin giggles like he’s just told the funniest joke, and Changbin can tell he doesn’t drink much. “Hey. This is fun.”

Changbin wants to reach up and card his fingers through Hyunjin’s hair, to shift so he can pull him more comfortably in his arms. But he can’t. He can’t risk letting his guard down like Hyunjin does. It’s too dangerous. “Is it?”

Hyunjin nods, snuggling even closer to Changbin’s side. Changbin takes slow, measured breaths in an effort to stay calm. “Yeah. Drinking is fun. Why haven’t we done this before?”

“Because we were underage,” Changbin reminds him with a chuckle. “And we’re idols, and we could get in a lot of trouble if people found out.”

“People need to get the sticks out their asses,” Hyunjin mumbles. Then he’s on his feet again, holding out his hand to Changbin. “Wanna dance with me?”

If Changbin had been drinking more, he might say yes. But he’s only had one beer, and he holds his liquor better than Hyunjin seems to be able to, so he stays seated. “You know I don’t dance like this.” He holds his own well enough with their group choreography, but freestyle is definitely not one of his strengths.

But then Hyunjin pouts, and Changbin has a hard time resisting that fully sober. “Please, hyung?”

And that’s how he ends up in the center of the room, Hyunjin’s arms wrapped around his neck as he grinds his hips into his.

This was a mistake. Changbin can pretend that Hyunjin’s dancing doesn’t affect him from a distance, but up close and personal, with Hyunjin’s body pressing against his in ways it definitely shouldn’t be, there’s no way he can hide it. His pants are tighter than they were five minutes ago, and there’s no way in hell Hyunjin doesn’t feel it.

But Hyunjin isn’t letting on if he does. He’s just moving those goddamn hips like the music is controlling his body, and Changbin is standing mostly still, trying to think of the least sexy things he can think of—like those cursed photos of JYP in plastic pants.

They’re close to the speakers, so Hyunjin has to lean in close to his ear to be heard. “You okay, hyung?” he asks. And maybe he would be, if he couldn’t feel Hyunjin’s breath warm on the shell of his ear. _Plastic pants, plastic pants, plastic pants_.

“_Fine_,” he means to say. But maybe the alcohol is getting to him a little more now, because what comes out instead is, “Why do you do this?”

“Do what?” Hyunjin asks, looking genuinely confused, and Changbin isn’t sure if it’s an act or if he’s really that oblivious. But he isn’t going to say it here, not with all these people around. Changbin might have it bad for Hyunjin, but not bad enough to completely lose his sanity.

Hyunjin must not be that clueless after all, because he grabs Changbin’s wrist and drags him into the hallway, away from everyone. “What?” he asks again. Changbin wants to lie, but Hyunjin’s brown eyes are boring into Changbin’s soul, and he thinks he’d see through it if he did.

He doesn’t remember who started it. Maybe he did, with the comments about Hyunjin’s lips that he didn’t mean to slip out but that did, or when he got bolder and started touching them, tracing their puffy shape with his finger the way he wished he could with his mouth. Or maybe it was Hyunjin, who could’ve told him to shove off but didn’t, who collapsed in Changbin’s bed as often as his own, who initiated so many hugs and cuddles whether the cameras were on or off. Hyunjin is a clingy person to begin with, he does that to all of his bandmates—but sometimes it feels like he clings onto Changbin a little bit more, or maybe Changbin just wants to believe that’s the case.

A few weeks back, Changbin came home late from the studio to find Hyunjin curled up in his bed. It’s been months since they switched roommates, so Hyunjin doesn’t have the excuse that Changbin’s bed is closer to the door and he didn’t feel like walking all the way to his. He had to make a conscious decision to go to Changbin’s room instead of his own.

“What are you doing in here?” Changbin asked softly.

Hyunjin hummed, and Changbin wasn’t sure he was awake until his eyes adjusted to the darkness and he stepped close enough to see Hyunjin’s eyes were open.

Felix was out filming for _Pops in Seoul_, and Changbin's other roommate was dead asleep. For all intents and purposes, they had the room to themselves.

Hyunjin was on top of the blankets, so Changbin didn’t bother to change clothes or pull the covers back before lying down beside him. Hyunjin moved closer, and Changbin wanted to do the same, to put his arms around Hyunjin, but he didn’t dare. That would make it too affectionate, too intimate, and he was terrified Hyunjin would catch on if he did.

“Just didn’t want to be alone,” Hyunjin mumbled. He’d been absent from a handful of group schedules lately, either coming late or missing out entirely, thanks to his MC gig at _Music Core_, and it seemed to be taking a toll on him. Despite being an only child, or maybe because of it, he didn’t like to be alone with his thoughts.

“You weren’t alone,” Changbin reminded him. “The other members are here.”

Hyunjin curled into himself, tucking his knees in so he seemed smaller than he was. “You know what I mean.”

But Changbin didn’t. He never knew why it was that Hyunjin sought him out in moments like this, if he chose him for some specific reason or if Changbin just wanted to believe that. “No, I don’t really.”

They fell silent, and out of habit Changbin lifted his hand to touch Hyunjin’s lips. But Hyunjin stopped him, closing his hand around Changbin’s wrist and staring into his eyes.

They were close enough that Changbin could feel the warmth of Hyunjin’s breath when he exhaled, and he silently prayed Hyunjin couldn’t hear the way his heartbeat flittered like a hummingbird’s wings. Hyunjin closed his eyes, and then Changbin felt his warm lips pressed against his own.

Before Changbin had a chance to process it, to kiss him back or pull away and ask what the hell this meant, Hyunjin was scrambling over him to get out of bed and to the door, ignoring Changbin calling after him.

He’s been ignoring him ever since, standing on the other side during group activities when he can, and leaving the room or putting headphones in when Changbin comes in. And Changbin doesn’t understand why. He could understand if it was the other way around, if Changbin had kissed him and Hyunjin was disgusted and didn’t want anything to do with him. But Hyunjin kissed him, and then he acted like he didn’t exist.

Until tonight. Now, he's snuggling up to him and dancing with him, being even more touchy than usual, and Changbin has no idea what any of this means.

“You kissed me,” Changbin says, and Hyunjin looks away, like he’s ashamed of that fact. “And then you ignored me, and now you’re all over me, and I don’t fucking understand what you want from me Hyunjin.” He’s never been an emotional drunk, so he hates the way his voice comes out strained, because he knows it isn’t the alcohol’s fault.

Hyunjin’s reply is so quiet, he almost misses it. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? What the hell does that mean, you don’t know?”

“I don’t know!” Hyunjin repeats. And Changbin wants to be mad at him, for playing with his feelings without being able to give a reason why, but when he looks up at Hyunjin, there are tears sparkling in his eyes, and Changbin can’t be mad. “I don’t know why I kissed you. It’s wrong, and I know it is, I just—” He trails off, hugging himself tightly. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” Changbin asks.

“Because I fucked up, and you probably hate me now.”

Changbin almost laughs at that. “Hyunjin, why on earth would I hate you? If I hated you, I wouldn’t have let you cuddle up to me on the couch earlier. I wouldn’t have danced with you... fuck, I wouldn’t have gotten a semi from dancing with you.” His cheeks burn with shame when he admits it.

“You did?” Hyunjin’s eyes widen.

Changbin blushes deeper. “Why is that the part you focus on?”

Hyunjin blushes too, like a teenager with a crush. That’s what they are, Changbin supposes. “Because I didn’t realize you felt that way about me.”

And now Hyunjin knows that what Changbin feels for him is something more than friends or bandmates, something Changbin hasn’t even wanted to admit to himself. His stomach drops, like it’s just been yanked out as he goes over the hill on a rollercoaster.

It must show on his face, because Hyunjin says, “I don’t know exactly what to call it, but I know you’re really special to me, Binnie. And that scares me, because I know it’s more than friendship, more than what I feel for the other members, and I’m not supposed to feel that way. But I do.”

Changbin licks his lips, and before his brain can overrule his heart, he steps forward. “You do?” he asks, looking up at Hyunjin.

Hyunjin nods quickly. “I do.”

Changbin takes another step closer, and when Hyunjin doesn’t shrink back or pull away, he takes another, until he’s directly in front of him. He stands on his tiptoes, but Hyunjin’s face is still just out of reach, and he flushes.

“What are you doing?” Hyunjin asks quizzically.

Changbin blushes more. “I was going to try and kiss you. But you’re too tall.”

Hyunjin giggles, cupping Changbin’s face with his hands, and Changbin is suddenly aware of how large Hyunjin’s hands are. He wonders how it would feel to hold them, his long, slender fingers interlaced with Changbin’s shorter, stubby ones.

“Or maybe you’re just too short,” Hyunjin teases. He leans down, and then his lips are on his again.

This time, he doesn’t pull away. Changbin presses closer, wrapping his arms around Hyunjin’s shoulders as he kisses back.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Comments are appreciated <3


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